Sorry I'm such a terrible blogger. But hey, it's my blog, so get over it.
Letter to An Ex-Lover
I don't feel like writing fiction today. I feel like telling you how much... how much I hate who I've been. How much I want to be just a good person and a good friend. How I'm sorry I slept with you, but I'm not at the same time. You gave me exactly what I needed when I was broken. It wasn't conventional love, but it was love enough to keep me from absolutely collapsing. I never cried to you, and that's something I kind of regret, but it didn't feel right, so I guess it's okay. I just needed to be held while I fell asleep, and I needed someone to know that I had love in me, that I had more than just flesh to give. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for giving something so precious to a near stranger just because I was hurting. You weren't my first, but I had that same sick feeling in my stomach when I drove home from your house in the middle of the night that first time. The first few times, actually. But I just convinced myself that anything was better than hating myself and sleeping alone and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be something serious for you and I'm sorry that I was so cold. I feel like my heart is warm again, and even though I'm traveling a few friends lighter, I know who I am and I know that I have a lot of love to give (emotional, not physical) to the world. So thank you for being a bad mistake that turned out pretty decent.
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