Something "Inappropriate"

Bit 2

"I'm thinking about all of the great sex we've had, after he'd sneak me in the back door in the middle of the night, and it just doesn't fit."
My dog Lord Barkington (known more colloquially as "LB") wagged his tail with a boundless amount of sloppy joy.

"Oh, now, be serious LB. I need to pick out both a decent dress and a decent mind frame."
I held up something short in yellow and something shorter in red, and LB just gave me that same sappy smile.

"Yes yes yes, definitely the red. Great choice."

I slipped the dress over my head, setting it snuggly around my hips. How could we? I mean... there's just two separate lives the way I see it. The one where everyone can see me during the day, and the one where I'm sneaking about in the shadows at night. Mixing the two together would just be thoughtless. I laughed aloud.

"I can see myself now, LB, trying to small talk about local politics and grocery stores and then all of a sudden ripping him from his seat, taking him to a secluded location to engage in some adult activity."
LB gave me a look of disapproval.

"Oh, hush you. I just don't know what to do." I join LB on the floor, scratching at his favorite ear.

I sighed dramatically into his fur.
"I can't combine sex and love. Actually, I think I CAN, I just don't want to. What's that make me?"

LB was silent. He knows I'm the one that feeds him and allows him into the cozy confines of my bed, so he really should stay silent when it comes to these sort of questions.

"Oh you might as well say it anyways, I can see it in your little beady eyes. I'd be the Tramp, 'cus you're much more of a Lady than I am."